January 13, 2018: It was a notably gorgeous, warm and sunny early Saturday Oahu morning as I was setting up my tables and crystals for the North Shore Country market at Sunset Beach Elementary School.
My beloved fellow community / vendor friends were also here for our weekly market, exchanging smiles, waves, chats, and well wishes for a great day to each other as we all set up.
Across the street at Pipeline beach, the surf was roaring and progressively growing larger, with 40-50 foot waves expected to be rolling in by the afternoon.
The market officially began at 8:00am and lots of people from our community, as well as visitors to the island, were already there happily milling about.
I was focused - putting in the final touches on my set up for the day, as I overheard someone at the booth next to mine say something in a curious tone about an incoming ballistic missile (?). It was not a typical thing to overhear, so it caught my attention, yet I subconsciously put it aside and didn't think much of it. Moments later, a dear friend who also sets up at the market came over to me and said 'Love, I don't mean to be a bearer of bad news, but look at this alert on my phone...' and there it was,
Emergency Alert: BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Time slowed down dramatically as I read this - I looked up at my friend, who was also in a state of shock... disbelief, yet alarm. I was looking for a reason to write this off and even laugh about it, and reading it again, THIS IS NOT A DRILL were the words that reverberated and inspired my lingering sense of disbelief into somewhat of a state of action. I went to my bag and pulled out my phone - I had a missed call and a text message from my partner (who was at home) with a screenshot of his phone's emergency alert, asking me to call him asap (!!!!'). Time continued to unfold in the slowest motion. My phone does not have good service at the market unfortunately - after a moment of pause, I calmly texted him:
'I love you baby'
'Be safe ❤'
(I had not received the emergency alert on my phone and never did.)
I sent the screenshot of my boyfriends phone to my immediate family, a couple of which were on Maui, the others on the mainland, writing 'Please pray for us ❤ I love you all so much!!!' After multiple attempts, my message would not go through, and disappointment aside, I had to figure out what to do next. Meanwhile, an amazing woman I have yet to know the name of, was yelling out to everyone at the market to hurry and get inside the school cafeteria, NOW. The overall state of everyone at the market was disbelief - everyone seemed to be in shock, somewhat frozen, moving very slowly.
HURRY UP AND GET INSIDE THE BUILDING, NOW!!!
As I looked at my tables with beautiful crystals amongst gorgeous scenery I welled up with tears for a moment of overwhelm - my biggest concern a couple minutes ago was setting up a beautiful crystal grid, and in this moment the biggest concern was what could end up being the final moments of our lives and these beautiful islands.
I snapped out of it and the first thing I intuitively grabbed was all five of my selenite heart crystals - if there was a time when angelic presence and protection was needed, it was now. I grabbed my phone and purse and jogged over to the cafeteria. Going inside, there were people of all ages, families, children, unfamiliar faces, familiar faces, sitting and standing there with blank looks and confusion on their faces. Walking around, I observed the structure of the building from the inside - and the fact that there were lots of windows and open-aired breeze blocks at the top of each wall.
There was a time a couple months ago when I dropped in with the possibility of nuclear war with North Korea and had experienced fear reading about the grave, exhaustive list of nuclear missile protocols and consequences of a blast that would reach us supposedly within 12-15 minutes of receiving an alert. Here we all were - and we were definitely not prepared.
This cafeteria was nowhere near equipped to protect us from a blast, let alone weeks of nuclear fallout. Looking around for where to sit in a daze, I chose to go sit alone under what looked to me like a large collage of angel wings.
As I began to sit down, I realized that this was the one day I had forgot my water bottle.
I ran outside to the booth next to mine and grabbed the waters they had available. I ran back to my booth and grabbed my extra bag with a sweatshirt and a little bit of food. I ran back to the cafeteria, quickly vearing off course to pee outside the building.
As I quickly rushed back through the doors of the cafeteria, people were quietly heading toward the door I was walking into. 'Where is everyone going? Are we safe? What's happening?' I asked. Everyone was still in a state of shock, and it took a moment for someone to answer me saying, 'It may have been a false alarm.'
Toward the back of the building, the woman who had stepped up and been the voice and leader for us all was overcome with emotion, crying deeply while being held by friends. 'Why wouldn't people listen?' She cried hauntingly. 'So many people... so many children... could have died. Why wouldn't they listen?'
(I look forward to meeting this woman, giving her the biggest hug, and thanking her for what she did for all of us.)
When I returned to my tables I pulled out my phone, and saw that my boyfriend texted saying it could potentially be a false alarm, shortly after sending a text of Tulsi Gabbard's statement on twitter notifying everyone that it was, indeed, a false alarm.
It was such a bizarre feeling to have what felt like a second chance - to come back to my tables, back to my little life, my typical Saturday morning, offering crystals and dropping in with all the people who would come by that day. I felt so grateful and deeply humbled - it unfolded to be one of the most beautiful days that I was deeply appreciative of and present with.
Throughout the entire experience, I was in somewhat of a state of shock - never fully clearly believing that this was actually happening, yet taking the most of the necessary precautions I could just in case. What happened that morning didn't begin to hit me until the next couple days after.
One thing that was beautiful to experience, was a sense of calm throughout. Also, I felt at peace with the idea of dying - if that was what was in order that day. I have lived a beautiful life, there is so much I am grateful for, and I felt good about all of my relationships - I have been making a practice the past 1-2 years of speaking to any issues in the relationships that I have, because the goal is Harmony, Truth, and Love. Even the relationships I have that are not currently at the optimum 100%, they've all been spoken to and are on the path toward healing.
The one thing that really made me sad though was the idea of these beautiful islands being destroyed. How could anyone ever possibly want to do that? It would be such a huge loss for our planet Earth to lose this incredibly special, irreplaceable set of islands. It made me sad for all Hawaiians who have repeatedly endured so much disrespect, having their culture and sacred land taken from them and exploited... and now, this. How could any of us ever let this happen?
After the market on Saturday I had a surreal drive home, held my boyfriend, my beautiful cat, and my chickens. We shared our experiences, held each other some more, and then got right into our preparations for an event / gathering we were holding that evening at our home for about 20 people.
The false missile alarms that morning made for an extra special gathering - close friends and new friends, loving and appreciating each other more than ever, with a profound lightness yet extreme depth. Dancing, laughing, talking, loving. Holding each other.
The next day, with our friends still here riding out the most blissful evening, I ate mushrooms. I decided to have a solo journey for that incredibly sunny, warm, glorious afternoon. I went to the beach - and to the ocean - diving into the big waves coming in at the peak of my journey. I had the most beautiful intricate visions each time I would dive into an incoming wave, the energetics of the charged powerful waves and effervessence felt amazing - refreshing, and so healing to my physical, emotional, and energetic bodies. After a while I returned to land and lay down facing the sky, in the shape of a starfish, watching the magical clouds pass by. I began to focus my attention on my physical body, feeling very strongly into the gratitude to have this vehicle, feeling it part of yet separate from my true identity. I rolled over, my stomach and right side of my face sinking into the soothing sand, warm sun on my salty refreshed skin, conscious and aware of my deep slow breathing, looking out at the expanse of sand, plants, ocean, and sky, and I felt so profoundly glad that these islands were safe. While being in this moment of gratitude, my eyes honed in on the various pieces of plastic that had washed up on shore.
I began to cry.